. . . I will be sitting in a conference room.

. . . I will be answering questions about my teaching methods.

. . . I will have driven 7 hours.

. . . I will have hopefully had a good night’s rest.

. . . I will hopefully not forget my portfolio,

. . . or have a run in my pantyhose,

. . . or a wrinkle in my shirt.

I have not slept for more than 4 hours a night since I was contacted about interviewing for a teaching position in Casper, Wyoming, two weeks ago.

My emotions have run the gammet of excited, confident, skeptical, delusional, worried, nervous, disbelief, denial, hope, fear, and dread.  Lets just say that I am worn out.

At night I have been kept awake by my overactive brain going over any interview question I could think of.

I have researched the school and in fact feel as though I have their website memorized.

And it will all be over in less than an hour.

So, by three o’clock tomorrow

. . . I will be in my car, on the way home, somewhere in Wyoming.

. . . I will be exhausted.

. . . I will have probably run the gammet of emotions about my interview.

. . . I will have probably talked Christi’s ear off about the interview and analyzed every single second of it.

. . . I will have called my mother and done the same thing.

But hopefully, I will know one way or the other what the decision is.  And as soon as I know – you’ll know.  Thank you, everyone, for your support, encouragement, kind words, and belief in me.

Today is graduation at my school.  All year it seems as though this day will never come.  It also seems like I will be glad to watch my students leave and ready to start the summer – which I am.  However, I also feel a deep sense of reflection at this time.  I can’t help but get a little teary-eyed as I look back at the past year and the lives that my students have led.

Josefina is the perfect example.

This is her son – Chucky.

I took this photo one day after school with my iPhone.  Josefina was staying after school, working on math.  Josefina stayed after almost every day to work on math.  We are lucky in that our students can bring their kids to school and take them to a day care that is downstairs.  So, every day, Josefina would take Chucky to day care and pick him up after school and bring him up to our math teacher’s classroom.  He would play or nap while she worked on her homework.

I wonder about Josefina’s life.  I wonder about what drives her to just keep on going.  She has pure strength inside of her.

Chucky’s real name is Angel.  I think that embodies perfectly the innocence and optimism she must have felt, when at 15 years old she had him.  The father is in prison and Josefina struggles to make it to school every day.  She also takes care of her mother, who doesn’t speak English.  She lives on Top Raman because they can’t afford to buy groceries sometimes.  Josefina is by far the best student in my class.  You wouldn’t know it by her grades, but she really is.  She studies.  She works hard.  She has a positive attitude.  She is funny.  She enjoys learning.  And she is a bright spot in my day.  Last fall, she debated about whether or not to drop out of school.  I talked with her, her case manager, and her tracker and tried to convince her to stay.  She did and I truly believe that my year would have been completely different if she had gone.

I think this year I might be a little bit more emotional about graduation because I don’t know if I am coming back next year.  My job interview in Casper is on Tuesday.  Only a few students know that I might be leaving and it is weird to not say goodbye to anyone knowing that I might be leaving.  As I made the graduation video today, I almost cried.

From Josefina I have learned that you can keep moving forward, taking one step at a time, one day at a time.  I have learned to laugh and giggle as much as you can.  I have learned that I am truly blessed.  And I have learned that we really do influence other people by just being who we are.  I’m sure Josefina has no idea how I feel about her, but she has changed me.  I will miss her the most if I leave.

Before I started teaching high school, I substitute taught. One day I subbed for half a day in a fourth grade classroom. After 2.5 hours, I left crying. Literally. Crying. I had not idea how to handle a bunch of rambunctious kiddos. I never subbed for elementary school again.

The second job I have now is tutoring. I tutor a 14 year old and a 9 year old. I’ll admit, some days I go into the tutoring sessions with Tasha, my 9 year old, and I tremble in fear. I don’t know how to handle her and I am afraid of being too harsh with her. Not because I’m mean, but because I don’t know how to talk to kids. They cry really easily.

So, this week is Teacher Appreciation Week. And Tasha appreciated me! She gave me a card and this flower!

(Sorry about the photo’s. They were taken on my iPhone.)

Here is her card.

The inside.

Yeah, I’m cool – just kidding!

She apologized for not coloring the butterfly, but she didn’t have time.

It is a good thing the flowers came with this little tag – I don’t have the slightest idea how to grow anything.  Remember Tomas?  No?  Well click here and here.

Yup – very nice gift.

An old roommate of mine worked as a 1st and 2nd grade teacher.  I swear, every day she came home with something from her students.  Holidays were the worst!  I felt so under appreciated.  But thanks to Tasha, I know one student thinks I’m “cool.”

This last term, during our character education class, we focussed on Service, with a capital S. To get ready for it, we, as a staff, got together one Saturday to clean the school and help clean up at a local park.

Now, I don’t know if you know it or not, but teachers really don’t enjoy being at the school more than students do. It was weird to be here on a Saturday.

I learned how to plaster.
I learned how to clean a carpet with fancy spray stuff.
And I learned the perfect method for raking leaves.

And I took some photos. Actually, I made a slide show for our teacher to show students. If you want to see it, click here.

I think it was supposed to inspire them. I don’t think it really worked. My students did two service projects this term. They made file folder games and then made baby blankets. The file folders – sucked. They looked terrible. You would think 17 year olds could cut out shapes, but I guess all the drugs they have taken have made it nearly impossible. Then the blankets – embarrassing. The ties were awful, crooked, and shockingly awful.

I don’t know if my students felt good, but I didn’t.  It seemed like such a waste of time and money and materials.  Sigh.

A few weeks ago, the gals at my school got together and had a “Girls Night Out.” It was so nice to see each other outside of the school. Yes, yes. Teachers do have a “real” life outside of school. And while I can’t say we didn’t talk about teaching, school, or the students, I can say that we have a lot in common and get along really well.

Paula, one of our secretaries, hosted it at her house. And boy was it fancy!

Here is Paula – dancing on the chair. Hey, we couldn’t stop her. She just has to dance, y’all!

Paula called the little get together “Paula’s Marvelous Soiree – PMS.” It was based on these napkins she found.

And she made us all PMS gift boxes!

And look at the fancy place settings!

Don’t worry. There’s no alcohol is this.

There was so much laughter all around!

Glori is our resident comedienne. You can count on her to say the funniest and the most outrageous things. I can’t retell the story she is telling us on such a public site. But if you ask me in person, I’ll tell ya. It is a knee slapper!

I tell ya – my tummy started to hurt after a while because of all the laughing.

Jesseca brought her dog, Demon. I was in heaven. I love that little shit!

The best way to tell if you had a good party – dirty dishes. And boy did we ever!

Newsweek published this article in their March 15, 2010 issue, about the problems with education in America.  Their decision – it is the teachers.  The article was titled, “Why We Can’t Get Rid of Failing Teachers” by Evan Thomas and Pat Wingert.

As I read this article and talked about it with other teachers at my school, it was interesting to hear their reactions.  Some totally agreed, some were indifferent, some were angry, some defensive, and some full of excuses.  I was supportive, shocked, and 100% agree.

Have you ever had a bad teacher?  I have.  Boy, have I.  I’ve had teachers as early as middle school, where I sat in the back of the class and worked on my own, teaching myself.  I was lucky because I was a smart kid and could do that.  However, if I hadn’t been a smart kid, I would have been completely lost in the crowd and left behind.  I’ve had teachers who have thrown chalk, passed out in class because they were so drunk, (that teacher also threw up on a regular basis in the sink), dumped water on sleeping students, and then there were those who just ignored me while I played games on my calculator (I didn’t have an iPhone when I was a teenager) or solitaire.  The last weeks of school were often spent watching movies and playing card games.

Despite all this – I went into teaching.

Mostly because I had amazing English teachers.  All of my English teachers were great.  They inspired me.  They taught be to think critically and express myself through words.  I really think that it is because of them that I am an English teacher now.  All of my English teachers continued to try new things, read new books, and pushed me to do more and be more.  Here is a shout out of gratitude to Mrs. Silletto, Miss Heart, Ms. Sheya, and Mrs. Lofgren from Kennedy Junior High and Hunter High School.

But onto what Newsweek said . . .

They seem to group their comments into three categories:

1. Good Teachers = better student achievement, grades, and learning
2. The Unions and tenure system are keeping bad teachers in the profession.
3. Examples (good and bad) of teaching.

1. Good Teachers = better student achievement, grades, and learning

“What really makes a difference, what matters more than the class size or the textbook, the teaching method or the technology, or even the curriculum, is the quality of the teacher.  Must of the ability to teach in innate . . . within about five years, you can generally tell who is a good teacher and who is not. . . . The research shows that kids who have two, three, or four strong teachers in a row will eventually excel, no matter what their background, while kids who have even two weak teachers in a row will never recover.” (25)

“Teaching in public schools has not always attracted the best and the brightest. … most school teachers are recruited from the bottom third of college-bound high-school students.” (25)

“Some teachers resent the reform movement … others welcome a boost in status that would come with higher standards.  You know, the Marine Corps never has any problem meeting its enlistment goals, because it’s an elite corps, and people want to be part of something that is seen as the best. … In Eruope, where teachers enjoy more social prestige and higher salaries, schools have no trouble attracting new teachers with strong academic records.” (27)

• When I read that first quote, I was embarrassed.  I was NOT in the bottom 1/3 of my high school class.  Then I remembered the saying, “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Ouch!  I don’t like the stereotype that we have in the United States, that teachers are flunkies who are just in it for summers off and a short work day.
• I do think we need to have higher standards.  Because there are no differences between the quality of the teacher and no benefits for being a better teacher, I can see why there are so many teachers who are content to sit idly by and do minimal work with mediocrity.

2. The Unions and tenure system is keeping bad teachers in the profession.

“Teachers’ unions have become more and more powerful.  In most states, after two or three years, teachers are given lifetime tenure.  It is almost impossible to fire them. … In no other socially significant profession are the workers so insulated from accountability. … Many principals don’t even try to week out the poor performers (or they transfer them to other schools in what’s been dubbed the ‘dance of the lemons’). … firing a teacher invites a costly court battle with the local union.” (25)

• I do have lifetime tenure.  I got it at the end of my 3rd year.  The only thing I needed to do was pass my evaluations, pass a Praxis test, and pay $65.  No one from the state or district really knew if I was a good teacher.  I was surprised at how easy it actually was.
• I know of a teacher who has not passed her evaluations three years in a row.  She hasn’t been fired.  The district she works in keeps sending her to trainings, but it obviously isn’t working.  She isn’t a good teacher and every one of her students suffers because of it.  But by now she is tenured, is a member of the union, and no one will touch her.  School can’t afford the legal battles to fire teachers.  The money needs to go to our students and should go to our students.

“The teachers’ unions are major players in the Democratic Party at the national and local levels.  So it is extremely significant – a sign of the changing times – that the Obama administration has taken them on.  Education Secretary Arne Duncan is dangling money as an incentive for state legislatures to weaken the grip of the teachers’ unions.” (26)

• I’m a Democrat and have been a supporter of unions in general.  However, now that I am an adult and understand how they work in my life with my actual employment, I am not a supporter.  They control so much and protect their own – to the detriment of our students.  It has gotten out of hand and while I still think unions are a good thing, they are too powerful and I see the effects of the teachers unions and quality teaching every single day.
• I asked one teacher in my school why they belonged to the union and the reason they gave was that the union will pay my legal fees if I go to court over a school related reason.  This falls into the category of teachers needing to protect themselves and I can understand that.  However, I know that my administration has supported me and will support me.  I have had parents contact the administration and they have backed up my policies and procedures.  This isn’t a “us versus them” system of education – teachers versus administrators.  We are a team and hopefully we are both working to improve teacher quality and student learning.

3. Examples (good and bad) of teaching.
News articles

“Last year the Los Angeles Times ran a long series document the unwillingness of the education bureaucracy to fire bad teachers … The Indianapolis Star reported how Lawrence Township schools had quietly laid off teachers with generous cash settlements and secrecy agreements.” (27)

Here are some of the awful things these teachers did:

• One teacher told a student who had committed suicide to “carve deeper next time.”
• One kept a stash of pornography and cocaine at the school.
• One had a 20-year history of complains about injuring, harassing, and raping students.

All of these teachers are either still teaching or still have their teaching license.

It is terrible, just terrible.  Do all people make mistakes, yes.  Have I always said and done the right thing, no.  But, these are some pretty serious problems.  These are not “heat of the moment” dumb things.

Central Falls high school in Rhode Island.

“At Central Falls High School in Rhode Island, half the students drop out of school, and proficiency in math measured at 7% … The local superintendent, tried to improve scores by requiring teachers to work 25 minutes longer each day, eat lunch with students once a week, and agree to be evaluated by a third party. .. The teachers, who make $75,000 a year, balked. … So, she recommended firing all 74 teachers.” (27)

• This is an example of bad teaching/good administration.  I do work longer days (we teach an extra 45 minute class per day), I do eat lunch with students, and I would love to be evaluated by a third party.  I’m surprised that teachers didn’t want to try something new in order to help their struggling students.

New Orleans

“It is difficult to dislodge the educational establishment.  In New Orleans, a hurricane was required: since Katrina, New Orleans has made more educational progress than any other city, largely because the public-school system was wiped out.  Using nonunion charter schools, New Orleans has been able to measure teacher performance in ways that the teachers’ unions have long and bitterly resisted.” (26)

• Imagine having to completely start fresh and wipe out all of the traditions and standards in order to help students improve.  All people resist change and education in America needs a complete rehashing of education.

In the end of the article, they stated, “Many teachers are overworked, underpaid, and under appreciated.  Maybe they’d get more respect if the truly bad teachers were let go.” (27)

That is the key – at least for me.  I do my best.  I work hard.  I stay current on research.  I measure student progress.  I openly invite anyone into my class to see what is going on with me and with my students.  But because of all those bad teachers out there – the ones we all remember until we die – teaching, as a profession has a bad rap. If we expected quality teaching, rather than settling for what we can get, not only will the teaching profession improve, but our students will improve.  And isn’t that the point of sending them to school?

Unless you do it simple for a free baby sitting service.

I was teaching my students a creative writing exercise where you try to visualize a person – what they look like, smell like, what they are wearing, and any memories.  I wrote about my mother’s father.  He is 96 years old.

Grandfather Nye

You are the silent statue
Who stares out the front window
Into the fields of alfalfa.

Your hearing has long left on the
Howling, bitter wind that sweeps through
The open spaces of Southern Idaho.

I remember the times I crawled
Into your bed and cuddled into your
Soap-smelling flannel shirts.

Waking with the dawn, you rose,
Like the sun – slow and steady
To hard work and a quite, content life

Full of bread and milk at meals
Dairy cows, raising calves, state fairs
Watching Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights.

And so, I sit with you at the window
Holding your wrinkled, sun-spotted hand
And gaze out in peace at the wide world of the past.

I love this photo!  Mid – Shave.

Me and Grandpa sitting on the couch with my cousin’s son, his great-grandson.  The window I speak of in the poem in to the left.  It is a huge window that spans the entire wall.

Today, a student said to me at the end of a poetry lesson where I made them identify every instance of end rhyme, internal rhyme, slant rhyme, and alliteration in a rap song:

“Thanks Lesli for making this fun today.”

I just start laughing at him.

“Why are you laughing?”

me: “Oh, you’re being serious.”

“Yeah.”

me: “Oh, well thank you.”

I think it really says something when my students compliment me and I start laughing.  It just caught me off guard okay.

Do you remember this post a while back letters from students.  If not, read it, because it will help you to understand this poem I wrote.  I also wrote this poem with my students, when I was teaching them how to do a 5 minute free write and then turn it into a poem.  (Once again, the formatting is weird)

Letters to Prison

I don’t want to write you.
I don’t know what to say.

You’re a loser.
I’m so disappointed in you.

I can’t write that.

What he wants to hear is:

I believe in you.

Which I don’t.

Everything will be fine.

Which it won’t.

You will never be okay.

How can I write that?
I can’t, so I won’t.

Sometimes we want to hear the lies.
Sometimes we don’t want the truth.

So, I’ll write:

Dear Jesse,

I don’t know what to say.

~Lesli

But, that is still a lie.

Today, my morning commute, which usually takes 25 minutes, took 1 hour and 20 minutes.  From the point of the mountain to Center Street in Orem I followed 6 snowplows.

I only made it up to 20 mph.  It was so frustrating.

Normally, my commute doesn’t really bother me because I get to think and ponder.  But, this morning, I couldn’t really think.  I had to pay attention to the car in front of me.  Imagine that.

But, mostly during my commute I daydream and imagine.  Lately, all my imagining has been centered around living in a different place.  Meeting new people.  Cowboys.  You know – that sort of thing.

Sigh!