I know, I know. It seems a little snooty of me to not attend bridal showers and wedding receptions. I’m sure that most people probably look at it as the bitter, single gal not supporting her friends and what not. Or that I’m probably jealous. But that really isn’t the case. And I should probably say that I do attend bridal showers and wedding receptions – just not many.
Here is the deal. For years, I attended every blooming thing I was invited to. I even threw a few bridal showers myself. As I look back, I am currently still friends with 3 of those lovely ladies. Three. That is all. And I know that I have attended close to 100 – wait and I’ll count it up in my head . . . okay, I exaggerated, only 78. But between my friends from high school, roommates, all the girls in the singles ward in Washington (because I was the RS Pres and “had” to attend or risk offending), and girls I know now – that is a lot of people. A lot of people that I no longer talk to.
I stopped the madness about 2 years ago. I made a conscious decision to not attend if I didn’t feel obligated to. Usually these feelings of obligation are due to the fact that I often represent the Morris family in the state of Utah and so I attend. Or if it is a good friend. But that isn’t really an obligation – I like attending those functions. Or if I feel obligated to the person throwing the bridal shower or the parent of the bride/groom.
And you know what – I have LOVED not attending all these events. Because, in reality, they aren’t so much of a celebration as much as they are a way for me to say goodbye to our friendship – and I don’t want to do that. Because the truth of the matter is that once someone marries their life changes. Their inner circle changes. Their focus changes. And it rightfully should. I certainly don’t expect my married friends to hang out with me as much anymore – they now have husbands and a whole other set of family that they have to fit into their busy schedule. I don’t get upset about it. Not at all. But it is very sad to me. And I hate it. I hate not seeing them or talking to them as much.
Recently, I was talking to one of my oldest friends about all my job/moving/Casper drama and halfway through her baby started screaming because he fell and was hurt. She needed to get off the phone ASAP. And I don’t begrudge her that, but I miss being able to talk to her about all that stuff.
I was once told by someone, who I thought was a good friend, that it made her uncomfortable to be around me since I wasn’t married. You see, we were friends in high school and I believe I am officially the last one of the group to still be unmarried. I guess a single female in a room full of married people is uncomfortable. And it was hurtful and I haven’t seen any of them since. Our lives changed and we walked down different paths.
I see the path dividing in the wood every time I go to a wedding reception. So, I stopped going. I know that some people are hurt by me not attending and I’m sorry for that. But in reality, in 6 months I bet you don’t remember whether or not I was there or really who was at your wedding reception because you are on your path looking ahead of you and not behind.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot because this last month I attended a bridal shower and will attend a wedding, not because of the bride/groom, but because of their parents.
So, if I ever get married, don’t be surprised if I don’t have a reception. But if I do, I won’t be upset if you don’t come to it. I’ll understand because I don’t want to really say goodbye either.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Lesli, you are sooo right. Once a friend is married, being friends with the “single gal” just is not that important. Thank you for putting your opinion in just amazing words. I totally agree with you!!
No reception? Will your dad still give you money for a down payment on a house? That used to be the deal, from what I can remember. Going to these things when you don’t really want to is no fun. I hate feeling that obligation. We should go because we truly want to go!
I miss my single friends! I see some sometimes, not often enough. In my opinion, 2 reasons:
1. I already have someone to go with wherever I’m going. That means I don’t have to plan in advance and arrange it with someone else’s schedule. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to, it means that I have decided on something last minute and doubt others are available now or want to do the things I want to do. Probably the wrong assumption.
2. My single friends forget their married friends and don’t invite me to their activities. I don’t feel awkward around them. I don’t think they feel awkward around me. Just a case of forgetfulness maybe.
Now then, let’s schedule our outing!
You nailed it! Those are some of the exact reasons why I don’t attend receptions and showers. Thanks for explaining it so clearly.
Holls –
1. It is kinda like in college when we just did stuff with our roommates (or just you and I) instead of getting out there and meeting new people. It is so much easier to do stuff with the person you live with. For me, it is a roommate. For you, a husband. And if I was married, I would much rather hang out with my husband.
2. We do need to get together and do some photography stuff. I can’t wait to talk to someone about aperture and shutter speed and depth-of-field who actually knows what I’m talking about and who can teach me even more.
I’m glad to feel counted as one of your married friends. And I totally understand about the whole talking on the phone thing – happens all the time either to me or the person I’m talking to!
I will take blame for being one of the crappy friends who droppped off the radar after getting married, but I will say, I still remember you being at my actual wedding ceremony and am SO happy you were there! That’s really the only part that mattered to me that day. I agree with the reception part…I really didn’t pay attention to who was there or not!