New Couch = Nervousness

My roommate, Mandy, got a new couch on Tuesday. It is a pretty, pretty couch.  It is a sectional from West Elm.  It was shipped to the house in four GIANT boxes and between the two of us we got each piece into the house and down the narrow stairs, with a bend.  Let’s just say that by the end of all that we treated ourselves to dinner at the Olive Garden.

Now, Mandy is excited beyond belief about this couch.  She has been thinking of buying it for quite a while and she has been looking for a couch for the basement since she moved into the house.  You see, her stairwell is shallow in height and it has a bend halfway down the stairs.  When she first moved the futon couch to the basement, she had to dismantle it halfway down the stairs because it couldn’t make the turn.  I wasn’t there for that, but I hear it was awful.

So, while she is more than ecstatic about the new couch, I’m nervous.  You see, I’m a klutz.  I’m not talking about a little clumsy, I’m talking big-time, professional klutz.  How very un-Stepfordy of me.  A child of Stepford wouldn’t spill.  A child from Stepford wouldn’t make a mess.  But, I obviously didn’t inherit those particular traits.

I look at this beautiful new couch and I see potential stains and spills.  Do you see the white dots – I think that is from the camera, but I imagine it is a stain that I put there.

I’ve spilled on a chair in the kitchen – it is now “Lesli’s Chair.”  Mandy lets her cousins who are 5 and 3 sit on my chair when they come over.  They haven’t spilled on them yet, unlike me.

I have also spilled on the living room rug.  I don’t have pictures because I was humiliated.  However it took $100 and two trips to the cleaners to get it de-crustified.

So, I don’t think I’ll be eating near this couch for a long time.  I also don’t think I’ll even be thinking about food near this couch.

I think I’ll watch the beautiful, big TV from back here.

I’m not only a klutz when it comes to food.  I have fallen down the stairs 4 or 5 times in the last three years.

I’m hoping that one day I will find a man who finds it adorable and endearing, instead of annoying and a nuisance.  That is how I’ll know he is “the one.”